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August 21, 2011

Potty Trained

This humorous observation was told to me by my mother. It happened to her while she was walking her dog, a Bichon Frise (looks a bit like a poodle).
Mom just finished bagging her dog's poo when a little girl asked her, "Does you dog ever poop in the house?"
My mom replied, "No, she always goes outside."
"GOOD!" said the child, enthusiastically. "This is the kind of dog I'll tell my mom to get me!"

August 19, 2011

Milo Hates Skateboards

My people watching hobby has lead me to believe that the most humorous events occur between children and animal. Here is another example:

I was sitting on my back deck with my Yorkshire Terrier, Milo, when two kids passed by my yard. They were riding skateboards, which caused Milo to bark. He hates skateboards. I suppose it's the sound that makes him bark.
Anyway, one child stopped riding his board, came to the end of my yard and asked, "Is your dog mean?"
"No," I replied, "He just doesn't like skateboards."
"Why not?" he inquired. "Did he get hurt by a skateboard?"
I assured the child that Milo had not been injured by a skateboard, but that he has always barked at the sound they make while being ridden. The little boy then asked, "Can I make him not be afraid of my skateboard?"

"How are you goin' to do that?" I asked.

"Maybe if he smells my board he won't bark at it anymore," he added.
So, I walked Milo over to the boy and his skateboard to see what would happen. Milo first smelled the boy, then his board, then the boy again. The boy began petting Milo and talking to him.
"See, Milo, my skateboard won't hurt you! You don't have to be afraid anymore!"
Milo began tugging his leash, pulling toward a nearby pole. I walked him to the pole where he relieved himself. At this point, Milo was more interested in smelling the ground than paying attention to the boy. So, the boy said goodbye to me and Milo and started skating away.
As soon as Milo heard the wheels rolling on the concrete he started barking again. As the boy skated away he shouted, "I'll come back tomorrow and give him another lesson! He needs it!!"

August 12, 2011

MVA Experience

Today I visited the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration. Usually it's not a very nice place to spend an hour, but I made the best of it by observing the people around me.
There was a teenage girl waiting to be called to obtain her first driver's license. She brought three girlfriends with her--I suppose for moral support. I had a gut feeling that she would provide humor, and I was not wrong.
When the girl's number was called she headed for the booth for service. I watched as she fumbled to provide the proper documentation required. She was asked to sit and look at the camera for her photo to be taken. But before the camera could snap her photo, one of her girlfriends approached, handed her a cell phone, and said, "It's Danny! He needs to talk to you!"
The MVA employee was not amused. She pointed to the posted sign: "Please place cell phones and pagers in vibrate mode." The MVA employee then said to the girl, "Do you want your license, or not?"
"Sure I do. But can I have a minute? This may be important!" The girl took the phone and began a conversation with Danny.
The employee, obviously annoyed, snapped the girl's photo in mid sentence.
"Wait! I wasn't ready!" said the girl.
"Too bad," replied the employee. "You get what you get."
Minutes later the girl's license was ready. She looked at her license and was obviously disappointed at what she saw. She then said to her friend that handed her the phone, "Why did you do that? I broke up with Danny a week ago!"

August 9, 2011

Kids Are Funny

Children are the best source for humor; they say the funniest things.
Today I was walking my German Shepherd dog, Oberon, past a playground in my neighborhood. There were some children there playing. Of course the kids wanted to pet Oberon so I stopped and let them.
One child, a little boy about four-years-old, tried encouraging Oberon to speak. "Bark! Bark! Come on Oberon, bark real loud like this, ruff, ruff, ruff." Oberon remained quiet. The kid continued encouraging my dog to bark, but to no avail.
Finally, in frustration, the kid turned to me and said, "I think your dog has a sore throat."

August 6, 2011

Cell Phone Blues

I was sitting on my front porch enjoying a fine cigar and glass of iced tea. A cluster of teenage boys were walking in the street--despite there being perfectly good sidewalks--and each had a cell phone. All were fixated, either texting or browsing the web; none of them were paying attention to where they were walking. Each in their own little world, oblivious to their surroundings. Big mistake.

One boy was walking rather close to the parked cars and apparently didn't see the one with an open door. The occupant of the car was sitting in the driver's seat, door wide open, and window down. I watched as the boy approached the outside of the door. Surely he will look up before bumping into it, I thought. Nope! He walked directly into it and banged his knee. And here's the funny part: his phone flew from his hand straight through the open window. Perfect shot. Two points.

"NO WAY!" he shouted, "my phone!" He didn't seem concerned about his knee. He limped around the door and retrieved his precious toy from the street. The occupant asked the boy if he was hurt.

"I ain't hurtin', but my phone's scratched up!" Then he said something real funny: "Why didn't you close your door when you saw me comin'?" What? Hello! Why weren't you paying attention to where you were walking, moron!

The boy rubbed his knee while walking away. The car's occupant closed the door and started the engine. And I sat on my porch, chuckling and enjoying a fine cigar and glass of iced tea...